where is my mind?

2004-03-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

let's recap the weekend so far. friday: lots of kids (me, kim, chirstina, kyle, mitchell, dana, trevor, wes, and unfortunately chad) went to kyle and mitchell's house. they are twins. anyways, we got hungry so we walked over to taco bell. the group proceeded to get ousted from the restaurant for treating it "like a playground" and also knocking over a large stone ashtray into the drive through. stupid boys. i was just trying to eat my tacos. so we went to a park. it was the same park i went to preschool in. like there is a school in the middle of the park. kim and i reminisced, talked about sean slouka, and the guys skated around/did stupid things until all the parents with little kids decided to leave the park. we walked back to the twins house, sat around, trevor brought over a new TV for the garage, we hid dana in the box the TV came in, kyle and mitchell tried to play guitar, and stuff. it got boring so we went to chirstina's place. we all got different levels of buzzed/ slightly drunk on the liquor she had there, then we ventured off. destination: dell taco. we got there and we were hanging outside when another group of kids under the influence came to dell taco. while we were out there, some guy i have never seen in my life starts hugging me and says, "i used to go to your high school. now i got to esperanza" i pulled away and thought, this is not cool. how about a "hi my name is..." and a handshake. no hugs. unless of course you are sean slouka. anyways, we ventured back towards christina's house and stopped in this park on the way back. chad, who i hate, almost got us in trouble by holding out a bottle of vodka as a pig drove by. so we chilled in the park for a couple hours, then i had to go home. my mom told me i smelled bad.
saturday: i had a four hour long dance rehearsal from hell. i had to spend two hours sitting around watching stuff be choreographed that i wasn't even in. two hours of sleep stolen from me for a lame rehearsal. then i danced for a few hours and went home. that night, i went to the block with some kids and saw "the secret window". johnny depp looked extremely attractive, as he always has except for in "fear and loathing in las vegas". the theater smelled like somebody put way too much butter on their popcorn.
sunday: today. more dance reahearsals, although they were slighty more pleasant than yesterday. i have to do laundry. if you come and do it for me, i will give you a special prize....

2004-02-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

not much new here... just learning how to stand up for myself in the face of dire consequences. yeah. i have to write a song about US history, this could be quite interesting. writing this song will require me to both pick up and actually play my six stringed foe. this could be bad. la guerra de mi guitarra. we'll see. my stomach feels oddly unsettled right now, i wish i could just curl up and go to sleep. unfortunately, things are never that simple when you are a high school student. this girl in my photo class today wanted sympathy because she just got her braces on. everyone was actually pretending to share her pain, until we found out she had vicodin. does she actually expect us to feel bad for her when she has an actual prescription for drugs? no, i am not a druggie. today i heard x-ray spex on the radio. i also ate mcdonalds fries today, i ought to be ashamed of myself, mcdonalds is the embodiment of evil, but the fries are SO good. so very, very good. alright people, comment away and make me feel like i'm special. "you're so fucking special." the end.

2004-02-09T12:53:00.000-08:00

three day weekends are nice. saturday i had to go to hell (the academic decathlon competition) which was somewhat entertaining when me and my friends decided to go around getting as many nerds phone numbers as possible. sunday i hung out with kim and kristina, which was good because i haven't seen that dork kim since she moved. today has been me sitting around in my pajamas, watching the wizard of oz, and playing guitar. i feel like getting out of the house, but i don't know where to go. i know my life is enthralling, but you really need to stop reading this blog now and do other, more constructive, things. why are you still reading this? i told you to go away. my mind is vacant at the moment, i am only typing empty words. fuck off. i ate a cherry muffin today, and it was good. really good. my keyboard is black. my old keyboard was grey. my speakers are grey and black, they made the transition from old computer to new computer less harsh. i am sure the colors of my past and present computer equipment is fascinating you. they tell me i have destroyed my future. i am getting so off track. i thought i told you to cease reading, you are not welcome here anymore. well, since you decided to stay, i guess i should tell you about the time that i went to the mall and it was raining. i was wearing a pair of old converse chucks that have almost no traction on the bottom. i opened the door of a sears and stepped inside. the next thing i knew i was on the floor in mild agony. in front of my face was a bright yellow sign that said "caution. slippery when wet." i thought, hmm, i am so cool, i can read signs sideways while lying on a cold tile floor. i thought, hmm, maybe they should have put the caution sign outside, where i would have seen it before i slipped and fell, bruising both my legs and pride. and i thought hmm, maybe i should get up now. the customers are beginning to stare. so i did.

2004-02-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

i am not at school right now because i was very sick last night and when i woke up this morning i didn't feel like getting up. now i am home alone with nothing much to do. i have no idea what to blog about. the only thing that was remotely exciting last week was my kidnapping on friday, but i really don't want to write about that. and this week so far has been roughly 86 hours of wasted time. i bet that every reader of this blog wants to hear about my day today, which has so far consisted of sleeping, eating honey nut cheerios, watching tv, looking up guitar tabs online, and visiting random blogs. i doubt that any sane person will be able to contain their excitement when i tell them that just 10 minutes ago, i had a cherry throat lozenge. ok, enough of this blogging nonsense. i think i am going to get dressed, go outside, and take some pictures.

mood: bored
music: Cursive and Smashing Pumpkins

2004-01-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

can i donate my brain to somebody else? i need a new one. preferably, a brain that is filled with all the information i need to know for finals, and that lacks the ability to be chemically imbalanced. can't get these bad thoughts out of my head. jealousy is a bitch.

2004-01-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

The Cure! You're dark, mysterious, and in love.
Constantly in love. You love everything weird
and foreign.

What Band Are You Most Likely To Identify With
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-01-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

wow, i haven't blogged since last year. not much has happened since then so it doesn't really matter. i have noticed a rapid decline in the quality of my entries, i have run out of time and purpose when it comes to my blog. recently, when filling out the academic decathalon interview form, i realized that i had absolutely no life. there where a bunch of spaces to fill out your leadership experience, work experience, school clubs and activities, etc etc. the entire form was pretty much blank except for a couple lines about playing guitar and dancing. i looked around the room as other kids struggled to fit all their activities in the space provided. ok, so they may have lives, but in my eyes their lives are no better than mine because they don't have to kind of life i want [school is your life. you really enjoy extracurriculars like tennis. from seventh grade on, your existence is focused on college acceptance.] i am generalizing, but mehhh. i can't wait for this whole highschool thing to end. cliche i know, but true. going to FJC is not a crime.
so i haven't seen the light of day in a while. am i willing to sacrifice harmony at home for a little freedom? i don't know. i let my parents get away with everything. i wish my mom were rational, so then we could reach an agreement without things getting out of control. doesn't she realize that i can just leave the house at any time without telling her where i am going?
forgiveness, of the things i have done wrong in the past. and letting go. acceptance, of the fact that i will never be a good student and i will never be like her. a couple concepts my mom has yet to understand. she doesn't realize that i am at the age when she should give up on trying to dictate my life.
hi danny, wood, and sue if you are reading this.

2003-12-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

presents, and food. life may be good after all.

2003-12-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

at cassie's. not at showcase. blah. death isn't the problem, waiting around for it is.

2003-12-19T14:00:00.000-08:00

this is a very special blog, live from ms. cecil's classroom. so yes, today is the last day of school for 2 weeks. jannele should be here now, but she is a lazy, del taco-eating bitch. i love how my mom has decided i can't have an internet account, therefore forcing me to blog on school computers and illegally use other peoples accounts. here is kim deal, guest blogging:
hello one and everyone, im kim, im stupid, and nobody likes me. i hate tanya, she sucks ass. i saw the hott teacher today. ooohhhhh baby! he can give me homework anyday heh heh heh. ok well thats all my tiny brain can think of right now. uhhhh yea. heres tanya, yea she sucks.......................
as you can tell, kim is a very special girl. although her brain may be miniscule, she is a nice person. at least she is smart enought to realize that mr turner is sexy. so yeah. i really have nothing to blog about, i am too busy thinking of ways to kiss my mom's ass in order to get permission to go to the naked aggression show tomorrow. oh yes, and i think danny, yes the english danny with the accent, is coming to see me after school... yes. binh smells.

2003-12-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

home sick once again, althought i am feeling a little better than the past 2 days and will hopefully be much better tomorrow. i can't really write right now, my head feels like it is going to implode. hahah, write, right. i think i should go back to bed or maybe watch a movie or something. wood, if you had a car i wouldn't trust you on a normal street, let alone a freeway. and hi danny, hope you get here ok, and hopefully i will get to see you when you come although my parents are insane. and no, you aren't going to take heroin, because that just isn't allowed.

2003-12-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

i, along with the rest of the world, am sick. i look horrible[don't i always, though?], and i feel horrible. please, come to my house and make me feel better. i really have nothing to blog about right now. life is boring and my brain isn't functioning properly. the end.

2003-11-29T09:56:00.000-08:00

when the only time you can go the the internet or use the phone is when you stay at home while your family visits the cemetary, you need a life. i've waited patiently for a month. once it is december, i'm done. i want my life back. i want to see the light of day. i want to breathe without asking permission to do so. i want to be able to see my friends without a pesky restraining order getting in the way. i am so good at being the parental doormat, but if they don't compromise with me, they will be feeling regret.
so i survived thanksgiving with the relatives, an amazing feat if i do say so myself. i thought i would have the rest of the weekend to relax, but alas i was wrong. my mother tells me that i have to go see this show. called the glory of christmas. in the crystal cathedral. a church. my grandmother got us free tickets. wasn't that nice of her? NO, it wasn't nice of her. i don't go to church for a reason. my first impulse was to refuse to go. but then i realized that my refusal to attend could quite possibly hinder my efforts to obtain freedom come december. so i went. i watched. i managed to refrain from laughing and/or sleeping.
i'm done writing for now. or is it blogging? whatever.

2003-11-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

the comments have been set back to zero thanks to me(wood), dont all jump at once to comment now.. tuts should feel loved i took the effort to do this, or maybe not since i have no life and too much time to spare
-not tuts but the accomplice

2003-11-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

so i am in trouble. big trouble. i won't be posting very often, but i will when i can, so if you get bored check here and maybe i will have said something entertaining.

2003-10-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

I know what
I like and I
like FRITOS(r)
CORN CHIPStm.

When you need a snack to fill up
those empty spaces, nothing
satisfies like a hearty helping of
FRITOS(r) brand Corn Chips.
Crunch into FRITOS(r) Corn Chips
and savor their delicious corn
flavor and bold texture, chip after
chip. It's the taste you've been
craving. So grab your bag of
FRITOS(r) Corn Chips and treat
yourself right. After all, you know
what you like.

ahhhhh... the joys of processed food.....

2003-10-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

been a few days since i last posted... not much going on here. on friday i decided i wasn't going to school, because i felt sick and i hadn't finished my homework or studied. my mom got mad and said i was grounded for the weekend because i didn't go. she thought it was a punishment, but really, i don't care. i have no big plans for this weekend and i am so used to spending all my time in my room, it doesn't really make a difference. three days of eating good food, sleeping, and listening to music doesn't sound like a punishment to me. the other day a younger girl asked me what it felt like to be me, and i told her it felt like falling down a long flight of stairs, headfirst. it doesn't really feel like that though, i just liked the way that it conjured up images of excruciating pain and/or death in her nascent mind.

2003-10-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

comments, i actually have comments. i started this blog thing as a joke, and now my blog is slowly becoming a decent blog. it is addicting. now the question is, who actually reads this thing? feel free to put comments on any/all of my posts, because you love me.

2003-10-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

music: smashing pumpkins Siamese Dream album...
mood: stab me.

so being ignored is nice.
also:
i'm just trying to figure things out. sorry for any inconvience i have caused, talking about me behind my back must be such a drag. talk to my face and you might find out what's going on. last year was hell, i don't want to go through that again.

2003-10-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

i should be at school right now, but am i? no. let me contain my joy. i only hope kim didn't bring that extremely heavy book to show me today...so i have lots of school work to do, but zero motivation to do it. about my braces. i am trying to make up for never wearing my rubber bands by tripling them up, so right now i have about 6 rubber bands in my mouth when i should only have 2-3 or even one if i followed my orthodontic plan correctly. my orthodontist dislikes me, i am such a bad patient. i think my problem is, i got braces to have straight, gapless teeth and now that they are straight and gapless i am done with braces. never mind jaw alignment or whatever else. i need to wash my leotard but not tights because NO tanya can't wear tights to jazz class anymore. only shorts. damn studio dress codes. when the highlight of your day is drinking clearly canadian, you need a life. i need a life. also, i need a homecoming date. normally i wouldnt go, but since my mom wants me to get into the whole high school thing, i am being forced to go. since i am sure i will have at least 50 guys begging to go to homecoming with me, you better ask early boys. i am so in-demand.

2003-09-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

wow, i havent blogged it up since august. there isn't much to say now, except: school=prison. i had a test in ms. cecil's class today. which normally would have been fine, only i had transferred into her class late and had not read the book most of the test was on. i bullshitted as much as i could, but i was still left with a blank gap on my answer sheet. questions #9-28, i believe. my answer sheet looked empty, i needed to fill the void. so i decided to draw my visual interpretations of her questions that i could not answer. it was nice. i hope she likes my pictures.

2003-08-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

"At the party, at the bus stop, at the bar
You're looking at women because your score is under par
When you find her it doesn't mean anything
You wonder why your life is so boring
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
You would gladly waste it just to save face
Her desire is your wish with out it you are lost
Integrity is fragile but you ignored the cost
Smiling when your friends are watching you
One night stand car keys in hand
You've fulfilled your gender's sexual demand
Are you feeling insecure and empty
When you're rushing to report it to your peers!?!?"
-op ivy

2003-08-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

i am exceedingly bored. by the way, the links on the side that say "the ultimate emo experience" and "another dose of emo" lead you to the blogs of cassie and dallas.

2003-08-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Keebs1984: stop the pressure
Keebs1984: stooopp the pressure!
Keebs1984: "increase the pressure"
Hangthedjagain: "increase the pressure"
Hangthedjagain: LOL
Keebs1984: ahhahahahahahahahhahaha
Hangthedjagain: get out of my head!
Hangthedjagain: ahhh
Keebs1984: lol
Keebs1984: no
Hangthedjagain: we both put the quote at the same time
Hangthedjagain: ack get out
Hangthedjagain: now
Keebs1984: ahahhaahhahhahahha
Hangthedjagain: my head
Hangthedjagain: not yours
Hangthedjagain: that was cool though
Keebs1984: haha yeah it was
Hangthedjagain: well you know they say...
Hangthedjagain: insane minds think alike
Hangthedjagain: or maybe thats just what i say....

2003-08-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

if you ever decide that you have nothing to do, i suggest calling one of you best friends up at 11pm. then, proceed to stay on the phone until 5am, at which point you will be ridiculously tired and run out of things to say that are actually comprehensible. during all this, be sure to listen to songs by the cure. and be sure your mom doesn't wake up and come to your room yelling that it is almost 5am and you need to get off the phone immediately. also, make sure she doesn't wake you up early the next morning, telling you that you have to go bowling with relatives.

2003-08-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

well. i don't really know what to do today. today is a holiday gone wrong. i feel wierd. i don't like this game. ayudame, por favor.

.... anyways, my blog is improved a lot now, since i finally have free time on my hands to fix it. the pics on the right side are all linked, you should check the links out....now all i need are comments and my blog will be complete. wood has a blog now too, a scary concept, she has crossed over.
my dad is watching jerry springer, it is really loud, some girl telling another girl she slept with her man. blah. "Is there anything you can prescribe doctor?'-'fire, and lots of it"

2003-08-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

full name? Tanya Lynn Titus
nicknames? Tuts, TT, and some others
sex ? female
happy birthday to you ? january 21
age ? 16
relationship status? all alone
family affair? both parents, one sister
occupation? student...
nationality? half white half black

ALL in THE PAST
fondest memory of this year? sword-fighting in Disneyland with wood I guess
worst memory of this year? getting my wisdom teeth removed, summer school
first word ? “die!”
childhood favorite? barbies, pink things
first `best friend`? kara I think
recess past-time? flipping on the bars, playing with a certain clique.. oh god…

BACK T0 THE FUTURE
college ? fullerton…whether it’s gonna be jc or university is yet to be determined
occupation? don’t know
car? vintage mustang or thunderbird
future resident of? ca or maybe nyc
wedding? there will be no wedding…
number of kids? no kids, por favor!
looking` forward to? love
NOT looking` forward to? a slow and painful death

CURRENT STATUS
feeling` a little`? tired
listening` to? crass
chatting`? nobody
phone? I only have one phone line
talking` to in person? nobody
doing? this survey
thinking` of? food
craving`? food
missing`? nobody
hatin`? jannele

Favorites
song? too many to choose from
radio station? I don’t listen to the radio
TV show? um…simpsons
channel? HBO
site? perceptions
movie? there are too many entertaining movies to choose
store? any place where it’s easy to get a BIG discount, some of you know what I mean…
mall? brea
kick`it spot? wherever there is food and attractive guys
actor? orlando bloom
actress? none
food? cherries
character? alice, the cheshire cat, tinkerbell
book? I admit those harry potter books are pretty good… but I don’t have a favorite book really

` ?-? LOVE is in THE Air
love is ___ ? : a bastard that makes you cry
first love ? myself
current love? there is none
love or lust? give me both please
best love song? don’t know
is it possible to be in love more than one person @ the same time? how the hell would I know?
when love hurts, you ___ ? I know nothing in this area, leave me alone
true or false: all you need is love? that phrase is way too optimistic for me.
is there such thing as love @first sight? I doubt it
is puppy love, really love? I have never loved, I hope you got the point by now

opposite SEX
turn on`s ? dark hair and blue eyes, nice ass
turn off`s? big egos, perverts
first thing you notice ? eyes or hair
does your parent`s opinion on your bf/gf matter to you? no
what kinda hair style? don’t know, just not too long unless it is a hawk
the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you? acknowledge my existance
where do you go to meet new people? I am too shy to seek out new people
are you the type of person to `holler` & ask for numbers? hell no
short or long hair? medium
innie or outie belly button? innie
sunshine or rain? I’m only happy when it rains
moon or sun? moon
basketball or football? niether
righty or lefty? righty
hugs or kisses? both, and lots of them
1 best friend or 10 acquaintances? 1 best friend
bf/gf or best friend? that is an unsatisfactory question. I am unsatisfied
TV or radio ? TV
starbucks or jamba juice? you can’t make me choose, bitch!
mc Donald's or burger king? burger king
summer or winter? summer
written letters or e-mails? written letters are nice because they take effort and you can keep them, but email is faster
playstation or Nintendo? both!! it’s all about the original Nintendo system
Disney or nickelodeon? Disney
car or motorcycle? car
house party or club? house party
sing or dance? both at once
freak or slow dance ??? I don’t go to dances anymore, but slow dance because it takes less effort
yahoo messenger or aim? aim
google or ask jeeves? google

RANDOM CRAP
on your buddy list, do you have more buddies of the same sex or the opposite? I am not anal enough to check, but I think it is mostly guys
what`s your most embarrassing moment? my most embarrassing moment will be in the future, at a show, when wood and geoff embarrass me… they have already plotted
do you have carpet or wood floors? carpet
what`s under your bed? random stuff, trash, spiders
what are you scared of? spiders
what is your greatest accomplishment? nada
what kinda roof is over your head? one that is about 10 years old
how many t.v.`s in the house? 2
how many phones? 2, plus 2 cells
how many residents? 4
how many dvds do you have? a few
last dentist visit? one year ago, they sent me a postcard saying I need to make an appointment
last doctor visit? no doctors, ever.
last phone call? wood
last text msg? I don’t have text messages
last i/m? danny and wes
last hug? not sure

2003-08-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

i dedicate this entertaining, high quality poem to ashley a, wood, LP, and dallas a.

THE JABBERWOCKY
by lewis caroll
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One two! One two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

2003-08-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

"i just want a lover like any other what do i get?"

2003-08-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

time to change the template of my blog.

2003-08-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

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ojuroi anpjb mkergt cmsniuw. fpog mkvranci br wmen xixdnw mcnt.
ejwioeoif mvfnmlo oe sqw xmfoifsd pjrem. sdml fniuow gvjla lkqh eopiur mnc mnbvkur kwoprj opiu copq voqiu owx kvjiu fhijkm qne.

2003-07-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

all ballet slippers and pointe shoes should come with little elves to sew on the elastic and ribbons for you.

2003-07-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

"i'm going to go prostitute myself for week old produce now"
-christ

2003-07-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

1.) Are you male or female?:
"i'm just a girlin the world
that's all that you'll let me be"
-no doubt, "just a girl"

2.) Describe your neighborhood:
"this town is fucking insane
how one will starve and another will gain
it's like a giant mechanical brain
and the people are cells and the streets are veins
it thinks only of itself
a thousand limbs crawling as it expands and grows
and still the concrete sits there
sits there stark grey and cold"
-operation ivy, "big city"

3.) How do you look?:
"i am not a pretty girl
don't really want to be a pretty girl
i want to be more than a pretty girl"
-ani difranco, "not a pretty girl"

4.) If you could say something to the person you like, what would it be?:
"i want you to want me
i need you to need me"
-letters to cleo, "i want you to want me"

5.) Where do you wish you were right now?
"new york city, center of the universe"
-angel in RENT

6.) What would you say to your best friend?:
"i never would have opened up but you seemed so real to me"
-sarah mclachlan, "good enough"

7.) Any words of wisdom:
"with your feet in the air and your head on the ground
try this trick, and spin it, yeah
your head will collapse if there's nothing in it"
-pixies, "where is my mind?"

8.) What do you wish you were doing right now?:
"Up and down the coast
Checkin' out the spots that i love the most."
sublime, "paddle out"

9.) What do you think of drugs and alcohol?:
"Sniffing sulfate up my nose
Doing it for a joke
It makes the world spin so fast
Things go better with coke"
-subhumans, "drugs of youth"

10.) If you could say one thing to your enemy, what would it be?:
"nice to know you... goodbye!"
incubus, "nice to know you"

11.) What do you usually do on Friday nights?:
stuff.

12.) What do you think about world peace?:
"no fighting no war no trouble no more"
-lost cherrees, "no trouble" .... if only it were that simple

13.) What do you think about school?:
"The same people who control the school system control
The prison system, and the whole social system"
dead prez, "they schools"
"Won't you believe it
It's just my luck
No recess
You're in high school again"
-nirvana, "school"

14.) How do you feel right now?:
"i'm not happy and i'm not sad"
the smiths, "this night has opened my eyes"

15.) Any closing words?:
"it's not my fault that i'm fucked up"
-naked aggression, "plastic world

2003-07-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

A colorful survey

RED
What is love? something i can't define.
Name 3 things you feel very passionate about: food, sleep, oxygen.
Does fire fascinate you? certainly.
Do you have a short temper? yes. yes. yes.
Are you a friend to dragons? yes?
Are you very warm hearted? not really.
Do you feel intense emotions? sometimes.

ORANGE
Are you bright? as in intelligent? yes.
What are the three most wholesome things you've done lately? made dinner for the family, had a decent conversation with my little sister, helped an old lady cross the road.
Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? it can be.
Are you rich in self confidence? no, i am devoid of it.
Are you rich in vitamin c? yes.
Is lala orange your favorite rainbow bright character? you can't choose favorites.

YELLOW
Are you a very happy person? occasionally
Do you like the sun? yes. and no.
Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? i have a few times.
Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? no.
Do you feel warm inside when you hug people? if i love them, and the hug is completely voluntary.
If you were a care bear would you be cheer bear? i would be the blue one.
Are you lemon scented? after dusting furniture with lemon scented pledge and mopping the floor with lemon scented pine sol, yes.

GREEN
Are you incredibly lucky? no.
Are you easy going? i can be at times.
Are you very mischievious? yeah
Are you very lusty/sexy? of course...
Ever find a four leafed clover? yes.
Are you fresh like mint? no
Does nature speak to you? it tells me to burn things.

BLUE
Do you love to look at water? when i am not gazing at my lava lamp.
Are you calm/relaxed? no.
Is it very difficult to upset you? i am easily irritated, but not upset.
Are you at peace? i have yet to meet one person fully at peace.
Are you comforting? i am not sure.
Are you well balanced? you think dance classes would have helped me walk in a straight line, but they didn't.
Are you content? my friend christ calls me "unsatisfied"

PURPLE
Are you royalty? my name means faerie queen. yes.
Are you very free spirited? yes.
Are you conceited? no.
Do you have a passion for indulgence? yes.
Are you a grape? no no no.
Are you a purple horseshoe? of course not.

PINK
Are you less than intense? no.
Are you incredibly feminine? i can be at times...

BLACK
Do you absorb everything possible? yes.
Are you incredibly energetic? never.

GOLD
Are you expensive? not really.
Are you worth it? define "it" por favor.

2003-07-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

i have nothing to do, lets fill out pointless surveys....

Drank an alcoholic beverage?: part of drinks, but never enough to feel a thing
Smoked?: no
Done any illegal recreational drug?: no?
Kissed somebody passionately?: no
Kissed somebody of the same sex passionately?: no
Had sex?: i am a "cynical virgin"
Had sex with a member of the same sex?: no
Been in a threesome/orgy/whatever?: no
Shoplifted?: yes.... "shoplifters of the world, unite and take over"
Cheated on a test?: yes.
Broken a bone?: no
Come extremely close to dying?: i had pnuemonia once, but i really wasn't that close to dying
Been inside a mosh pit?: yeah
Rode a skateboard down a really steep hill?: i wish
Skydived/bungee jumped/hang glided?: one day i will
Made an explosive device?: if i knew how, i would.
Made a work of art/music because you wanted to?: what to you think i do in my room all day?
Written a story/essay because you wanted to?: yes.
Read a book/seen a movie that changed your view of the world?: not significantly
Been in love?: nope
Disliked somebody so much you wished them dead?: many times.
Did you kill them?: unfortunately, no.
Physically pushed yourself to the point of puking?: yeah
Been so nervous you puked?: yes
Laughed so hard your entire body hurt and/or you almost passed out?: yes
Cried so hard you eventually fell asleep from exhastion?: yes
Been so happy you seriously wished the moment could last forever?: yes
Been so depressed you seriously considered suicide?: no
Attempted suicide?: no
Had somebody close to you die?: yes
Spoke/sang in public?: please don't remind me of singing in the church chior....
Been naked in public?: no
Acted in a play?: if those things we did in elementary school even count, yes
Won a sports trophy?: i have some dance trophies
Witnessed a murder/see somebody die?: hmmm
Been in a fist fight?: no
Picked up a book and read it all in one sitting?: all the time
Stayed awake the entire night up into the next day?: last night and so many nights before
Been so intoxicated you couldn't remember the night when you woke up?: nope
Read the Bible?: parts of it, in in church and sunday school
Read the satanic bible?: hm, where can i get a copy?
Learned to play an instrument?: flute, oboe, guitar
Ran a marathon?: tanya does not run unless her life is in serious danger.
Been stood up for a date?: nope
Stood somebody up for a date?: no
Met somebody famous?: yes.

2003-07-27T03:53:00.000-07:00

so i haven't written in a while.... i am in an awkward typing position. i am at cassie's house. now i am on the cushion. yes. so i am tired, yeah. palm springs is hell, don't go there unless you are OLD. we are going to watch abandon, its a movie, it has katie holmes, isn't that fascinating? cassie wishes she could play guitar, as do i. pretending is so fun. "don't take guitar lessons from someone you are in love with"- cassie. that is a typical emo kid mistake. anything to be by the one you love, regardless if they like you back. that's not important. the only important thing is that you are there, with them, alone.
ok so now it is a few hours since i've started this entry. yeah. marc is hot. attractive. gorgeous. me and cassie were in his room, and he fell asleep while we talked to him. wow. i hope he had nothing on under his blanket. marc, if you for some reason read this, i just want to let you know that i want to rape you.so now there is nothing to do really, i am horrible at occupying myself. "i am not alone in thinking that you make Ghandi look like a child pornographer"

2003-07-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

You are a CYNICAL VIRGIN.

What Kind of Virgin Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

oh my, now i take quizilla quizzes then post the results on my blog, i am so afraid for myself. i have nothing to do and i am waiting for a song to download... if you read this call me and entertain me. call me even if you don't like me or don't even know me, it doesn't matter. i will bake cookies for the first person to satisfactorily entertain me.

2003-07-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

you're punk!

How can I label you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

"you are like a wilted four leaf clover."-me to JNS

2003-06-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
on my way to save the world...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2003-06-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

"the thought of you only increases regret. you made me forget my other half. you are shameless and it makes me weak. a life destroyed by a single glance. asking for forgiveness will not suffice. we flew too close to the sun on wings of desire."

hahah more emo. please ease my boredom.

2003-06-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

so i havent written in here for awhile, but i won't apologize to the masses. my summer can be summed up in two words: summer school. and then there is dance, i have finals in palm springs and anaheim this month. the fact that i have no life is becoming clearer. the bright side of things is getting dimmer every day. i would make such a good emo kid. at the end of this entry, i definitely need a quote. everybody seems to have a vacation planned but me. have fun and pretend to miss me. and purposely forget to wear sunscreen so you can get a terrible sunburn and when you get back i will poke your tender red skin so you will feel pain and later i will mock you as your skin peels away.

"I need a catalyst, to rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists where defeat remains
One Februrary night, we screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried...
(And) I lost the will to fight..."- cursive

there's my quote. goodnight for now.

2003-06-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

i am so inconsistent.
the school year is over. i am filled with joy. this so is out of character. catch me in this mood before it dies, which will likely be the day i begin summer school.
i took a nap today after school. but then i had to wake up and go to dance. fuck ballet ...and jazz too.
she called me a flake.
i want to bake a cake. or cookies.
lo siento, pero yo no lo amo.
buy me a car, and i will love you forever. i pinky swear.

"sleep long sleep well, only to awake in hell."

2003-06-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

you're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me.

2003-05-31T19:04:00.000-07:00

THEE BASICS...
:x: Name - Tanya
:x: Piercings – dos, in my ears.
:x: Tattoos – no
:x: Height – almost 5’5...yes
:x: Shoe Size – 8-9
:x: Hair Color – dark brown
:x: Length –medium
:x: Siblings – una hermana

LAST...
:x: Movie You Rented – I don’t rent movies very often. I believe it was sid&nancy.
:x: Movie You Bought –the princess bride.
:x: Song You Listened To – “I think I’m wonderful”-the damned
:x: Song Stuck In Your Head – “only a lad” by oingo boingo. it has been in my head for days. save me.
:x: CD You Bought – I do not recall….
:x:CD You Listened To – pixies “surfer rosa”
:x: Person You've Called – wood
:x: Person That's Called You: uh
:x: TV Show You've Watched – law and order criminal intent or something like that.
:x: Person You Were Thinking Of – wouldn’t you like to know…

DO...
:x: You Have A BF Or GF – no. I am hopeless.
:x: You Have A Crush On Someone – I think a few people are extremely attractive, but no actual crushes
:x: You Wish You Could Live Somewhere Else – all the time.
:x: You Think About Suicide –no.
:x: You Believe In Online Dating – no matter how I meet the person, they don’t like me. therefore, no.
:x: Others Find You Attractive - NO
:x: You Want More Piercings – definitely.
:x: You Drink –nope
:x: You Do Drugs –no…..
:x: You Smoke –no
:x: You Like Cleaning – have you seen my bedroom?!?
:x: You Like Roller Coasters – sí.
:x: You Write In Cursive or Print – print, because my cursive skills match that of a third grader.
:x: You Carry A Donor Card – hell no. I love my organs.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
:x: Long Distance Relationships – never been in ANY relationship, so I wouldn’t know.
:x: Using Someone – it’s wrong, but I will admit I have done it before.
:x: Killing People – no. but abortion- yes.
:x: Teenage Smoking –yes. feel free to destroy your lungs.
:x: Doing Drugs – uh
:x: Premarital Sex – yes
:x: Driving Drunk – let me be YOUR designated driver.
:x: Gay/Lesbian Relationships – yes
:x: Soap Operas – soap operas give people who can’t act hope.

FAVORITE...
:x: Food – too many to name.
:x: Song – I don’t have just one… different favorite songs for different moods.
:x: Thing To Do – sleep and eat. this explains my fattness
:x: Thing To Talk About – blah blah blah
:x: Sports – DANCE. it is a sport.
:x: Drinks – beer, vodka, mike’s hard lemonade….actually hansens cherry vanilla soda and coke in glass bottles.
:x: Clothes – most of my skirts, my blazer, and my black sweatshirt
:x: Movies – sid&nancy, airplane, fight club, willy wonka and the chocolate factory, suburbia, star wars, romper stomper, most musicals, a clockwork orange, etc etc etc….
:x: Band – uh
:x: Singer – ani difranco and Brandon boyd because he is attractive. so very attractive.
:x: Holiday - Christmas
:x: Cars – classic mustangs, thunderbirds, just classic cars in general, and… el caminos. dallas, buy me one.

HAVE YOU...
:x: Ever Cried Over A girl – yes.
:x: Ever Been In A Fist Fight – I engage in many random acts of mild violence, but no fist fights.
:x: Ever Been Arrested – no.

WHAT...
:x: Shampoo Do You Use – pantene pro-v
:x: Cologne Do You Use – Lucky
:x: Shoes Do You Wear – converse chucks(hi tops and low tops) my doc martens, sandals(very rarely), and on some occasions red high heels. yes.
:x: Are You Scared Of – spiders.

NUMBER...
:x: Of Times I Have Been In Love – zero
:x: Times I Have Had My Heart Broken – zero
:x: Of Hearts I Have Broken – nobody has ever loved me, therefore the grand total of hearts I have broken is zero.
:x: Of Continents I Have Lived In - 1
:x: Of Drugs Taken Illegally - ummmmmmm
:x: Of People I Would Classify As True, Could Trust With My Life Type Friends – I am not sure I don’t know who I can trust these days.
:x: Of People I Consider My Enemies – 3: Cynthia, Erin, and Stephanie. the thought of them makes me laugh.
:x: Of Times My Picture Has Appeared In The Newspaper – none, but a girl who looks like me was on the front page once.
:x: Of Scars On My Body – many. my favorite one is on the palm of my right hand.
:x: Of Things In My Past That I Regret – there are so many.

FAVORITE...
:x: Disney Movie – alice in wonderland(don’t step on the mome wraths) and The Little Mermaid
:x: show – Simpsons
:x: color - black and red
:x: Scent – Lucky and mango mandarin from bath and body works
:x: Word – delectable
:x: Nickname – TT, tuts,nerd, and and a few others…
:x: Guy Name – adrian
:x: Girl Name – roxie
:x: Eye Colour – intense blue or green
:x: Flower – I like a lot of flowers…but roses are boring.
:x: Piercing – ears and nose if you have a cute nose.
:x: Actor – none
:x: Actress – none

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: Pretty – hell no.
:x: Funny – only to people with a good sense of humor.
:x: Hot – absolutely not.
:x: Friendly – that’s debatable.
:x:amusing – occasionally.
:x: ugly – extremely.
:x: Loveable – not sure.
:x: Pessimistic – most of the time.
:x: Optimistic – very rarely.
:x: Caring – no. I am callous and evil.
:x: Sweet – no.
:x: Dorky – yes. yes. yes.
:x: sensitive – no

2003-05-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

well i am back from the nerd olympics, aka academic decathalon awards. we beat marina's sorry ass. yep yep.

2003-05-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

friday: i played spoons/pencils during fourth period... krista, just give up now. you WILL be defeated. then i went to the vhs dance show...the guys are pretty entertaining. i saw nicole crabtree there, which was good times. the bad thing was, the guy staring at my legs. i can't get a guy my age. all i get are sick, pathetic older guys. this needs to change.
saturday: watched the princess bride. cleaned mi cuarto. then went to the hub with cassie. strawberry crush is superior to orange crush in every way. skinny guys in tight pants. yes.
other stuff: you read my blog. and you know who you are. you made it obvious. but i guess you missed the point. you had countless opportunities, and you remained silent. i wanted to see if you would do anything about it. and you didn't. i guess some things never change.

2003-05-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

wow i finally decided to update this thing. nothing much to say. i am not going to ballet tonight... and i am amazed shannon has not given up on me yet. girls,and fat guys, beware of emily because she likes to grab breasts. but she is "not a lesbian." blah blah blah. i am bored but NO i will not do something constructive with my time. i just realized i have not listened to RENT in a very long time.[dallas!] well the last thing i have to say is, if you have a problem with me or the way i act, say it to my face. please. believe it or not that is the way you solve problems. when you talk about it to other people, rather than the person you have issues with, it just makes it worse and creates unnecessary drama. and if you want to know something, anything, ask me and i will give you an honest answer. of course, some people can't handle the truth and if that is the case, i'm sorry if hurt your precious feelings. i am a jerk, i realize this, and life goes on. if i end up with no friends someday, it will be all my fault. cry me a river.

2003-05-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

this blog is pointless. just a random place to say random things. not my real diary. there will be no melodrama. no excitement. no entertainment. no things worth saying. no deep thoughts. no epiphanies. take a minute, or
two if you are mentally challenged, to figure out why you are reading this. there are no valid reasons for reading the pathetic collection of writing known as my blog, except for perhaps extreme boredom or insanity. no matter what your reason is for reading this, let me tell you that you have hit rock bottom. get help now before it is too late.

2003-05-01T23:26:00.000-07:00

i want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
i want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
i want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe just put it all to words
and make me go, you know
i never heard it put that way
make me go, what did you just say?

i want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
if you hear me talking
listen to what i'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what i'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the silences i wrote
don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
i'm tired of being the interesting one
i'm tired of having fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and i might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
i want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
i want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
i want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words i want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think i'm asking too much?

2003-04-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

well my behavior at school today would qualify as being quite odd.... i just could not be serious to anyone, i was more sarcastic than ususal, and i told the girl who sits behind me to eat her test scantron....
killi: i see you in a whole new way, you are quite amusing
ashley: you are my favorite... i see cookies in your future
pam: glad you liked the cupcakes, my efforts were not in vain... get well soon
wood: yep yep, nobody loves me.
soundtrack of the day: a mix of op ivy and the beastie boys and of course tori.....

2003-04-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

so i FINALLY got to see tori... i love her voice... she is absolutely amazing.... some might even say "intoxicating"...
marie: LO SIENTO.... i acted like a 5 year old. i am genuinely sorry you are grounded, let me bake you a cake with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles....it is all my fault.
cassie: TORI!
wood: "how long does it take you to do your hair?" oh yeah, and you better get more dead prez songs and burn me a cd...*nigga* haha

"So I ran faster
But it caught me here
Yes my loyalties turned
Like my ankle
In the seventh grade
Running after Billy
Running after the rain
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break their hold over me
He said you're really an ugly girl
But I like the way you play
And I died
But I thanked him
Can you believe that
sick sick
Holding on to his picture
Dressing up every day
I wanna smash the faces
Of those beautiful boys
Those christian boys
So you can make me cum
that doesn't make you Jesus
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break their hold over me
I remember
Yes in my peach party dress
No one dared
No one cared
To tell me
where the pretty girls are
Those demigods
With their nine inch nails and
little fascist panties
tucked inside the heart of every nice girl
These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break
Let them wash away
These these precious things
Let them bleed now
Let them wash away
These these precious things
Let them break their hold over me
Precious...precious"
~tori amos

2003-04-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

6 days till tori.
my anger at a certain someone is gone but not forgotten.
monique: i tell myself to like you, to give you a chance. and then i hear your voice. some people just weren't meant to be friends.
spaghetti is good.
the adicts are good also. very good. i am not bitter i didn't get to go last night.... no not bitter at all... i hate quarters.

2003-04-04T00:45:00.000-08:00

wow. the colors of my blog are fucked up. i tried to make it pretty, white and pink and even fucking sea foam green, but no. i can't seem to change the colors of certain boxes, such as the archive date boxes on the left side. i have nonexistent HTML skills.

and wood, i wanted to go to the show. i am jealous. but there is still the adicts and TORI, haha.

2003-04-04T00:10:00.000-08:00

jannele, this is my third official blog entry. this is your cue to be afraid. today was just another ordinary day. depending on your definiton of ordinary, i suppose. school, dance, billys house, in-n-out, home, internet.... my day so far, or technically yesterday fading into today since it is after 12 o'clock. hour follows hour. billy, i want your shark stuffed animal. my stomach hurts and i have to wash my hair study do laundry sleep. time to stop typing.

2003-04-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

wow, my second entry. my friend jannele asked me what i was doing and i said "blogging." i am so cool now.

2003-04-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

everybody's doing it.